All who wander are not lost (Be Kind to Yourself)

My nature varies: the mood of one hour is sometimes the mockery of the next.”-Villette by Charlotte Bronte

The above quote summarizes my inconsistent and ever changing thoughts about my experiences here so far. Its difficult to summarize my feelings but its like sometimes I can be on the highest of highs, simply content in the fact that I remembered a child’s name or that a doña remembered mine and in the very next moment sink into such a low that at times I wonder how anything so trivial could be the root cause. I've also felt guilty at times for leaving my family and friends behind. If they miss me as much as I miss them, I hate to be the source of any pain for them. I know they are proud of me but sometimes I feel really really selfish in pursuing this journey. But I have been working on getting out of my head and staying on the field at all times. This frame of mind has led to a significant shift in the past couple of days which should have a very positive affect on my service moving forward.

'All who wander are not lost' has been a very helpful reminder to not attach specific expectations to my experience here. I am someone who very much likes to be in control, organize, and navigate every part of my life and this journey was an attempt to trample all over that mindset. However, throughout the past 2 months, Ive felt really lost, only focused on keeping my head above water yet at the same time trying to firmly plant my feet and figure out just what I have to offer to my community and organization. What about me is important to share, and when, when will I ever learn enough Spanish to have a decent conversation with anyone, what does integration look like....I really could go on and on with my musings. The point is that I´ve been too focused on what I don´t have or what I haven´t figured out or accomplished yet instead of just letting it all happen (releasing my need to be in control the wise people tell me). It will all come in time and little by little that has turned out to be the case.

In another post I mentioned a recent shift in wanting the most out of this experience more and striving to attain it. Whatever “it” looks like (hey I´m trying to go with the flow here). In giving myself fully to this experience, and no longer looking back AT ALL, one of the things that I’ve seen volunteers write and say time and time again is to be kind to yourself. In order to do that you must first accept that you are worthy of that kindness. Whether this is an American concept or not, merit is often tied to achievements, accomplishments, and successfully helping others. Bestow kindness where it is undeserved, unmerited…so foreign a concept but one that I am learning quickly because I’m not a fan of mental anguish, loneliness, and regret.

What does being kind to yourself look like? In the here and now, for me it means taking on as many opportunities to get to know members of my community, my organization, and other volunteers. Pero, it does not mean second guessing, questioning, and beating myself when I just don’t feel like going or doing something. I will take trips to the gym and have mental health days when I need them sin verguenza. It also means celebrating everything.  Si vale la pena aprenderlo, vale la pena celebrarlo. Some days it really takes courage to get out of bed and walk my community and I should celebrate each and every time I accomplish it. It also means accepting the fact that although I don’t have a full grasp of the Spanish concept yet, I need to be patient with myself, because I am studying and trying every single day.

I´ve also developed more of a daily routine which is always subject to change (flexibility is key) but it really helps to have a semi plan of what I hope my first year of service will look like. I am partnered with a wonderful organization, Accion Callejera's mission is to promote the rights of children and adolescents in situations of vulnerability in all its forms. AC uses an action and research based approach that leads to the understanding of their difficulties and  implementation of support programmes which can positively impact on their living conditions. The vision is to be a reliable and effective institution in the understanding of these youths reality, in the pursuit and implementation of appropriate solutions and comprehensive responses. And their values include respect, dignity, solidarity, commitment and faith.


I pretty much love everything that AC tries to do for youth, from offering a daily program for limpiabotas (youth who clean shoes and basically live on the streets), to coordinating over 25 sala de tareas for students in barrios all over Santiago (students in the DR only go to school for half the day so the other half can be filled with more educational and enrichment opportunities through sala de tarea), and offering legal, health, and emotional support. After my my 3 month training at the end of January I promise to share my about my day to day role with AC. But I will get to use my teaching experience, create differentiated learning techniques, facilitate youth activities, and work with a team that focuses on supporting limpiabotas in high risk situations. So Im definitely happy about what is to come!

I began my new schedule this week. Alot of the boys that walk into the apoyo escolar immediately begin speaking Creole to me. I give a look of honest confusion and explain thatI dont know Creole and Im still working on my Spanish. Bewildered, they ask so where are you from.... I reply that Im American and the immediate responses is 'pero tu eres Americana'.... After that, one boy gives me a hug and then we begin working on adding and subtracting.


The next day, one of the boys who is 15 asks me to teach him English and I reply that once he learns to write Spanish, I will teach him more English (because he already knows a little). He picks up a newspaper article and asks me to read to him, I tell him no and remind him that Im sure he can read it perfectly fine. He hesistates but proceeds to read the entire article. I congradulate him and he beams a look of pride that reminded me of why I wanted to become a teacher. Later, he asks me about my family and mentions that he doesn't have any. He asks me if I'll allow him to call me aunt Jackie (tia en espanol) because he thinks I'm a good person, I'm educated, and I have the same skin tone as him. I happily agreed and my conversation with him literally solidified why Im here. If any of you recall my post about some of the discrimination I've faced here because of my skin tone, you should know that all of it was well worth it just to have the opportunity to be a positive example for someone like my new sobrino (nephew). I know I'm supposed to be here, my conversation with him felt like a whisper from God to leave my fears behind and arm myself with courage and love. It was a reminder to continue to be a person who makes others feel special.

Entonces, I've had a really great week. I walked my community with 2 of my youth group leaders and we conducted 10 interviews, we are also planning to do more today and next Thursday. So this will be my last post for awhile as I prepare to finish community and organization interviews and next week starts my second full week with my new schedule. I pray that everyone has a wonderful Holiday season with loved ones, please please cherish your shared moments as the gifts they are. I´ll spend New Years with my PCV loves and then really hit crunch time with completing my organization and community diagnostic. Send me emails, I´ll be sure to respond and check out my facebook because I added some new photos.


Last but certainly not least, please keep the families and friends of Elizabeth Alden Landis and Lena Jenison in your prayers. They were Peace Corps volunteers in Mozambique who passed away in a car crash. This tragic news hit me hard yesterday because it is the holiday season (please pray for the enduring strength of their families) and it can be a lonely time in another country, but I'm alive and healthy. Life is fragile, beautiful, and quick, I pray that everyone makes the most of every moment and spends each moment doing something valuable and worthwhile not just for you but humankind as well.

“The best of happiness, is mine already – the power and will to be useful….”

Fiesta Fiesta (the Shift Emily described)

Everyone always says that in your first 3 months in site, all you should be doing is getting out, getting to know people, compartiring, developing a great relationship with your host family, and in my case getting to know my organization, people in my org and where I can fit into my org as well. So far I can only confidently say I’ve built a very strong relationship with my family…everything else is a work in progress. As Emily said, you get what you want more, and developing a relationship with my family is what I’ve wanted most. Now that I have a baseline, I think the fiestas at my org have cemented my want to do the rest. I’ll try my best to explain the shift in my thoughts.

I am partnered with arguably one of the best Dominican organizations in the country (Thanks Adele, Sheila, Kerri, Clare, Dean, and anyone else who helped with my site development).They have so many volunteers from various countries all across the world that, naturally, I was a little intimidated on just how to find my niche and contribute meaningfully to the organization as well as my site. Peace Corps has amazing programs that I can implement, but I cannot start them yet, I have a lot of thoughts and experiences to share with youth here but I cannot speak Spanish well yet, I love to listen and want to gain the confianza of my community but I do not understand enough Spanish yet…. So as you can tell everything has, it will come but it just hasn’t happened yet. So how have I felt in the meantime, pretty useless…how have I been perceived? Probably in the same light tambien.

But one of the ways in which I have gotten to feel a little useful is through the fiestas that my organization has put on for the pre-k and sala de tarea kids. I’ve helped to set up chairs, hug kids, pass out treats, and face paint. Not very important in the grand scheme of things but it reminded me that while I’m still learning Spanish, still conducting my 3 month diagnostic, and adjusting, I can still be useful in my own way. And the fiesta that probably caused the complete shift was the fiesta for all of the staff and volunteers of Accion Callejera. Everybody was so happy and full of life. I see how hard they work, how genuinely committed they are, and it was humbling just to be there celebrating with them. My community director was dancing meringue and bachata all day long and it was wonderful to see people in their element. I’ve often felt intimidated around these very same people because of my lack of Spanish but still they have been nothing but patient, understanding, and kind. In watching everyone dancing I realized that I was right where I was supposed to be. And I shifted genuinely in wanting to get to know them, support their work, and share whatever skills I had that could make the org stronger. I have given into choosing this more than anything else. Teedra said a heart that’s pure won’t be denied…

This is as authentic and raw as I’ll permit myself to be and share on the world wide web. I’m not sure how this shift will manifest itself and how it is suppose to look but I’m ready. Clearly, I have not figured it all out yet. I have much more to learn, more people to meet, I need to compartir more time with people, but at least now its genuinely what I want more right where I am. Thanks again Emily, you truly are the best trainer I could have hoped for in navigating this Peace Corps experience.

“If we love God and wish to serve Him, to do His work, to labour for His glory – which is the good of man – to hasten the coming of His kingdom, which is the peace and happiness of all the world: however powerless we may seem to be, in doing all the good we can through life, the humblest of us may do much towards it: and let us dwell in love, that He may dwell in us and we in Him.” Agnes Grey by Anne Bronte

Birth (12/10) Day Post

I spent a day in Santo Domingo before my birthday with some of my favorite people I’ve met through this experience so far. I spent some time at the Peace Corps office rummaging through the free box (one person’s old Coach bag is now my treasure) and library (I’ll be reading Toni Morrison for the next couple of weeks), chatting with Lisette, getting a package from Jessica (it made my day and made me cry at the same time), and running into a lot of people. I love how tons of people from my group end up showing up at the office at the time =) I had lunch with my girls at our favorite Chinese Dominican restaurant  and then we spent the rest of the afternoon discussing our sites and talking about how much w emiss fam and friends at home.  I left my friends and stayed at Krystle’s place, we went to Maryland together and now she is working in the DR…small world! I had a great time catching up, sharing my PC volunteer experiences thus far, and watching American tv. Its crazy how much we cling to almost any American thing while here, it is def a wonderful comfort every now and again. I had a wonderful trip to SD and although its expensive (by my PCV living allowance standards) its is def a worthwhile trip.

The purpose of my trip to Santo Domingo was to pick up a suitcase of goodies from the states since my church does missions trips to the D.R. twice a year and my friend was coming down to serve.  Although I didn’t get to see you guys, I hope you had a great experience being the hands and feet of Jesus here in the D.R!! Thanks so much to my Mom, Ashley, Nate, and Rachelle for bringing me a bag of things from the states. My mom packed the bag, my AP Ash re-packed the bag, then Nate re-packed the bag again at the airport (you deserve an award for your efforts Nate!), and thanks Rachelle for getting the bag to me in Santo Domingo. My three mis-matched sandals are a reminder to never take anything too seriously and just live & laugh.

I “survived” my first birthday in the Dominican Republic!!  Birthdays are such a blessing and I never ever take them for granted, I was a little scared of how I might feel celebrating my birthday so far away from so many people that I love dearly. But, as usual, everything worked out just as it was supposed to in the end. THANK YOU to all of my family and friends who called, sent a text, sent an email, facebook or twitter message wishing me a happy birthday. It meant more than I could describe here. Seriously the words wouldn’t mean enough to express the gratitude I still feel. There is something about being so far away from family and friends…You know that life goes on but you just don’t want to be forgotten. It may be narcissistic but I know God made us to share life with each other and I’ll never forget those who I’ve been blessed to share time with, and I’m so thankful you guys didn’t forget me either!!!!!!

Now on to how I spent the day. I started the day with tons of birthday calls. Thanks to my all of my Peace Corps friends, boss Adele, and Med Doc Lisette for remembering me on my day and sharing kind words with me. It was humbling…The humbled feelings continued…My family sang me Happy Birthday…I know that was it from the tune even though some of the words were lost on me and they even did it Steve Wonder style! My friend Rachelle then came to my site with a birthday cake ad everyone sang happy birthday again… We compartired cake and then Rachelle walked around my site with me and I was able to express some of my thoughts, feelings, triumphs, and struggles in trying to figure out how to integrate into my community and be a resource to my organization.

Then we headed into the city to meet up with Carrie and we had dinner at TGIFridays. And they still had blackened chicken alfredo on the menu so that’s exactly what I had. Carrie and I got to pick Rachelle’s brain about the life of a Peace Corps volunteer. Quick sidenote, I realize that I love hearing about other volunteer’s experiences and seeking tons of advice about how to live this experience. But everyone’s experience is so different and what works in one site for one person will not work for another. I am working on being more kind to myself in an attempt to open up more and live this experience without fear of doing something wrong… (but I’ll save these thoughts for my next blog). ..

Anyways it was really nice to share my birthday with one of my forever friends who has seen me grow through a number of years (much love to TDP) and get to know one of my Pantoja to Santiago neighbors better. Dare I say that chicken alfredo was the best meal I’ve had in country. The plan after that was to go dancing in the city before Rachelle headed to the states the next day.

Well the dancing never happened. We went to check out the newly reopened Hub and we never made it back out. So thanks to what was at the time the best birthday dinner I could ask for, I spent the following 3 days not very far from the toilet with about 5 hours of sleep. Seriously diarrhea here is NOT fun, I’m so glad its over and I’ll be very weary of eating any dairy here again. Somebody (Diona, Malika, Hilary, Carrie, anyone) remind me the next time I try to eat anything other than McDonalds, that stuff is too processed to be considered real dairy…

Entonces I had a pretty good birthday. Thanks be to God for keeping me, allowing me to see another year, and giving me the opportunity to live out one of my dreams. In reflection (what would a blog post of mine be without one), this time last year I had an all black attire birthday get together in my apartment (Rachelle was there too).  A lot of my faves were there and then we headed to Nate’s skate party afterwards. I had just finished my Peace Corps app and had not even had my first interview yet. I was in the middle of planning the college application drive for seniors with Mrs. Agnew and my peer leaders at the high school I taught at. I was content with where my life was (Phil 4:12), yet yearning for a greater way to serve, some kind of adventure and a year later here I am wrapped up in the biggest, selfish, selfless, humbling, eye opening, journey I’ve had the courage to start. I wonder what I’ll say when December 10, 2012 comes around…..

What does a regular day consist of? and other ramblings

There is no easy answer to that because there is such thing as a regular day. But I will try to summarize what my week and weekends consist of as well as what the first 3 months of my service is supposed to include.

In the first 3 months in my site, I get to live with a host family and I am only supposed to start one small project and spend the rest of the time learning about the needs of the community through observations, interviews, and interacting with community members. The PC approach is to help people develop the capacity to improve their own lives through training and integration (i.e. PC programs). Entonces volunteers try to integrate into the community and develop confianza (trust) before starting projects. That way the community and volunteer develop an understanding of what the community needs and how they can work together to create sustainable projects that can continue through community leaders and youth well after the volunteer ends his/her service (si Dios quiere). At the end of the 3 month diagnostic period, I´ll select a project partner from my site to accompany me in presenting my findings infront of the other youth development volunteers in my cohort. Once I present my findings, I will outline my first year plan of projects to initiate based on what the community needs and the skills that I possess. Prior to presenting these findings to my training group, I´ll present this info to the community and continually seek their suggestions and thoughts throughout the entire process.

Because I am also an ´extreme needs´ youth volunteer, I am partnered with an organization in the community, so I split my time between the community diagnostic and completing my organizational diagnostic. My organization is a pre-k/kindergarten school (thats the educational component) as well as a community center for the 4 surrounding barrios.The community center is a satellite site for the organization whose main base is located in the city but they have numerous programs all over the city. My goal for my organization diagnostic is to learn as much as possible about the organization overall, but focus on the strengths, weakness, opportunities, and dangers present within the community center portion. Based on these findings, I will roll out a plan for first year activities to support the community center.

Because of these diagnostics, my days and weeks are focused around these obtaining information for my diagnostic. This will change after January because I can actually start more than one project, live on my own, and travel to PCDR training activities for a variety of programs.

My weeks consist of going to the Centro Comunitario in the morning and conducting interviews with teachers or other volunteers, observing sala de tarea, observing English classes, or helping serve merindas to the kids. in the afternoons I either go back to the Centro Comunitario or I walk in different barrios to visit the (few) leaders that I know so far. I try to walk in the community as much as possible so that people get used to seeing my face since I´ll be here for a little while (smile!) The interviews are always interesting because I´m sure that I miss the context of some of their answers becuse of my limited Spanish so thats a downer but I also get really excited when I actually understand and get the humor/passion behind their answers. It is an ebb and flow that I´ve learned to appreciate and recognize for what it is. Thankfully, people are really patient and do not mind repeating some of their thoughts.

The centro comunitario closes at 5 so I usually head back to my casa to get ready to go to the gym with my primo, hermanas, co'workers, and/or other volunteers. It is about a 10 minute carro ride away and once I get there I get to enjoy an eerily similar rendition of the Greenbelt Ballys gym minus the multitude of ellipticals, treadmills, a pool and the constant overcrowdedness. This has truly been the trace of God that I needed  because my gym experience relaxes me and heps me to relieve stress. It is a comfort because it is the same way I relieved stress in the States so it feels a little like home which I am abundantly thankful for.

After the gym I usually hang out with my family, listen to music, bounce off the walls with my nieces and nephews, and try to avoid having platanos for dinner. Thanks be to God for galletas, peanut butter and raisins.

Thanks to wonderful convos with my family and friends, and a very relaxing Thanksgiving break things have taken off in my site this week. I´ve conducted more interviews this week then I did in my first month, and I ave figured out what my first mini project will be. I´m going to start a step team for girls 10-14 and 15-24 (Coolidge part 2). I am hoping that these teams turn into my Chicas Brillantes groups eventually (si Dios quiere). Since I´m not the greatest at this, I am currently looking through you tube videos for my steps to teach my girls (thanks Sorors!) and I´m excited to kick off this project because the girls are super excited. They come up to me at the Center, on the street, and when I am at home asking when we will start. I am just waiting for my hand to recuperate a little but I did tell everyone within the next 2 weeks.

So my life will be balanced by the gym, conducting entrevistas in the community, hanging with my youth at their houses in order to create confianza, and starting my step teams. I am still trying to figure out how I fit into my community because of the overwhelming number of volunteers at my organizaiton, but I am gaining more confidence in my ability to contribute positively here.

PS and I promise my next blog will be about birthday gifts!!

My D.R. Thanksgiving

There are many reasons why I considered myself blessed to serve as a Peace Corps volunteer in the Dominican Republic. I found one more reason over this past Thanksgiving holiday, my first major holiday without my family and friends. Since Domincans do not celebrate Thanksgiving (it is an American holiday after all) volunteers head to Santo Domingo to celebrate the holiday together. My Thanksgiving break here surpassed my expectations, I left feeling rejuvenated about completing my community diagnostic and I developed a deeper appreciation for my friends here.

Some volunteers and Peace Corps staff come together to plan Thanksgiving festivities for all of the volunteers. Since I´m apart of the newest group of volunteers, I had no idea what to expect, accept I was thankful for the opportunity to use my R&R days to reunite with volunteers in my training class and spend quality time catching up and sharing thoughts/advice on our sites.

We started out Thanksgiving morning with a turkey trot (5K) so that no one would fee bad about all of the food we would partake in later. My turket trot was more of a walk-catch up wth other volunteers which was great (hey speed walking burns calories too!) Then we headed a hotel rooftop pool. It was fun hanging out in the pool catching up with other volunteers...than we proceeded to the main event...Thanksgiving dinner. Now for those of you who know me...you know that I actually do not eat a typical Thanksgiving dinner while at home. I don´t really like turkey, stuffing, gravy...all that jazz. Instead I prefer barbeque chicken, mac and cheese, rice...sigh I should stop typing that stuff right now.

Before we ate, everyone at my table shared what they were thankful for which was a touching moment. I am always happy to reflect on all that I have been blessed with. Anyways, you know what happened at thanksgiving dinner right, I ate everything I normally do not eat (sin verguenza of course)..turkey, stuffing (with gravy it was delicious) salad, mashed potatoes, vegetable lasagna, brownies, apple pie and coffee. It was an amazing, glorious dinner. Once we were stuffed, we had the pleasure of enjoying a volunteer slideshow of pictures followed by the most hilarious talent show I´ve ever witnessed. Volunteers here have some serious talent and amazing humor too.The night ended with a volunteer party which (even though I don´t dance) is always a great time to hang out.

That is pretty much how I passed my Thanksgiving day and although I love and miss my family and friends a lot (send me a letter, picture, something people!) I enjoyed creating amazing memories with my new lifelong friends here. Sadly, I failed to take pictures but when I see some from other people, I will be sure to post them on here. I hope you guys enjoyed your Thanksgiving and know just how much I am thankful for your presence in my life.

Unfortunately for me, we do not have this kind of activity for Christmas but I am excited to see how Dominicans celebrate Christmas. Be sure to think of me during the holiday season!!

PS Please expect the my birthday is coming up/the best Christmas gift would be blog soon... Hey I cannot help it I won´t be able to post another blog like this for a whole year!!

50 things I´ve Learned in 3 months

This particular blog is a peek into life as I´ve known it so far in the Dominican Republic. Enjoy

1. not all who wander are lost...there is a certain sense of freedom and liberty in trying to find my way here
2. Change is constant so I am learning to be completely comfortable with being uncomfortable
3. si Dios quiere...the usual answer to every question
4. toilet paper never ever goes into the toilet
5. everything stops when it rains
6. toilets that flush are luxuries
7. I can bucket shower with half a bucket of water easy
8. naturally spagetti is a side dish to a plate full of rice
9. rice without avocate is simply unfair (to everything but my stomach)
10. I´ve been pleasantly surprised and disappointed in my contacts with friends in the states (really where are some of you guys)
11. I´ve met some of the most amazing people in my training group....seriously they have supported me in an incredible way through my experience thus far.
12. Learning a language whie living in country is the most humbling thing I´ve ever done
13. My best friend in my site is my 6 year old niece
14. Letters, cards, and music have been my saving grace in the seemingly never ending periods of boredom
15. Hillsong. (someone please sned me Hillsong cds in español)
16. tigueres make me laugh and I´m thankful I cannot understand most piropios
17. I need to join a gym the daily rice thing here is killing me softly
18. the importance of skin color here overwhelms me at times
19. the community center in my community is absolutely amazing...seriously I wish my niece in the states had a resource like this
20. Don´t tell my family and friends but I miss them a lot (hint send me letters!)
21. I have tendonitis in my wrist from writing (trying) to understand Spanish...this is one case where being an overachiever did not work to my advantage
22. PC med staff is the bomb dot com
23. people cannot understand why I won´t straighten my hair if it can grow so long
24. the kids here make me smile
25. there is nothing funnier than watching kids dance to dembo....whoo they grow up so fast
26. my community uses usted instead of tu...too bad i know tu better than usted
27. ay Dios Mio...entonces....wepa! my favorite phrases
28. Monte Plata has a special place in my heart...it is the place where I fell in love with this country
29. i look forward to any all and every volunteer get together
30. reading is fundamental...best way to pass the time...other than staring at my ceiling wall
31. despite 30 people coming and going through my house everyday...and a pool house being across the street...my community feels pretty tranquilo to me
32. i adore my host family...even more as I understand their Cibao accents
33. i miss independence
34. i miss being able to articulate myself without sounding ike a 3 year old
35. my youth trainer is wise beyond her years... i find myself holding on to a lot of her words
36. this experience is def what you make it
37. there will be no mangaring of a visa through me...my fav response to piripios
38. have to. choose to. get to. (thanks Jeremiah!)
39. now that my wrist is injured i miss doing handstands...i cannot wait until its better
40. i think the PC 3 month integration method is brilliant
41. as long as the spiders, ants, roaches, and lizards dont bite, I´m fine (KK i´m surprised too!)
42. its unnatural not to talk about poop with other volunteers
43. I am now addicted to coffee and coincidentally brushing my teeth after coffee
44. you get what you want more (thanks Emily)
45. My dona is totally addicted to peanut butter now #winning
46. I have access to a gym (gracias a Dios!) 
47. I wrinkle my nose and point my lips in response to questions
48. lasirena is the costco of the D.R. and I´m addicted...nevermind Jumbo
49. handwashing clothes is not for the faint of heart
50. i miss hot showers

Check it Out!

Info on our Swearing in...Albeit in Spanish but you get the point

http://lanaciondominicana.com/ver_noticia.php?id_noticia=31558&sesion_periodico=43

I Too Sing America... (Why My Friends should Volunteer...)

I walk into a sea of beautiful kids in my community center and a teacher tells a group that I'm American and one girl adamantly girl says no way. The teacher said why not and she pointed to her arm hinting at my skin complextion...

A group of youth are showing me a part of the barrio with my counterpart and a construction worker greets everyone and simply says oh no need to greet the Haitian girl...Bewildered one of my youth asks why he thinks I'm Haitian...and he pointed to my locs... I was taken aback by the fact that he wouldn't greet me because he thought I was Haitian.... (Please check out the Henry Louis Gates film below for more information about Dominican/Haitian relations, he discusses it better than I could ever explain it)

I am sitting in an elementary school waiting to meet with the principal with my organization counterpart. He is a tall guy with "European features" from Espana and I'm the morena from America but no one ever assumes such. We walk in and everyone looks at him in amazement. They practice a few simple English phrases and ask him "do you speak English" They look at him in amazement as he sheepishly responds that he dosn't understand English....

...Now at this point, I could interject and say that I know English, I'm actually American, but I sit silently. Sometimes its taxing to have to prove part of your identity and that thought got the best of me today, but led me to this reflection and motivation to react in situations like these differently.

In hindsight, I think that if I knew more Spanish coming into this experience or if I actually knew French, no one would believe that I was actually American. I would absolutely be Haitian, African (although this is true!), French, or anything but American. (And let me clarify that there is nothing wrong with be associated with any of these backgrounds, but there is soemthing a little tiring but having to prove where you are really from). But my bad Spanish coupled with only knowing English seems to be enough proof so far, except for my little friend at the community center.

Additionally, hair is a big thing here...no one thinks these locs are mine and once they learn that it is....No one can comprehend why, if my hair can grow so long, would I loc it and not wear it straight. Straight hair is a prized possession and my hair is perceived as unwanted. Coming from the DMV where everyone has natural hair and rocks it proudly I have no trouble being patient in explaining my reasons for natural hair, as well as my reasons for locing it. (Shout out Nigerian Independence Day, JFL*143, and TDP)

I say all this to say that at times these experiences can be challenging and frustrating, but it is important to share with people that all Americans are not blond haired and blue eyed. I haven't always lived up to compartiring this info here (I've only been a volunteer a week, I'm still adjusting!), but I will strive to share more and knock down the perception of what all Americans look like. I already took a big step towards that by getting on the plane to the Dominican Republic with the intention of serving as a Peace Corps volunteer.

This helps me realize how important it is for people of diverse backgrounds to volunteer with the Peace Corps. As quoted from the Gringo Grita (The D.R. newsletter for volunteers) the Peace Corps is overwhelmingly white and that helps to cement the perception that all Americans are that. But as more diverse volunteers appear in comminties where Peace Corps' serves, that perception would surely fade. I think thats one of the beautiful things about Peace Corps: the gift of cultural exchange between the community and the volunteer, its a sweet mix of humbling responsbility, shattered assumptions, and life changing learning. I think it is so important for people who have my skin complextion here to see themselves as beautiful with infinite potential (See the Gates film below for reasons why I am, specifically pointing this out). And if even just one girl gains confidence in herself from my example than this was a journey well worth it. So friends and others, if you are up for the challange I encourage you to volunteer and share yourself with the world... there are so many people who are open and curious!

So don't worry friends and family, from here on out I plan to (with the best Spanish I can muster sin verguenza) share more about how diverse and beautiful the America I know is because love tears down all walls (c)Hillsong.

Check out the referenced poem here: Langston Hughes poem
Feel free to also check out Henry Louis Gates: Black in Latin America
Fav song I jammed to while writing this: Nickelback If Everyone Cared

I may have missed some thoughts but before the luz leaves me buenas noches

I'm not good at titles

So I know its been awhile since I posted anything with any real substance. Its been a whirlwind 2 months and I finally have a minute to think through all of my thoughts. Its also hard to try to express all of my thoughts on here so that will probably be my excuse for a short blog.

This training experience really stretched me in a lot of ways and I found myself pulling from a lot of past experiences and lessons for strength to endure some of the challenging parts of this experience, and appreciate and acknowledge my growth in some of the beautiful moments.

The toughest part of training for me were the first 3 weeks because I didn't live that close to other volunteers so sometimes I felt like I was missing out on bonding opportunities. Major thanks to my core and TDP for challenging me to be more open and embrace meeting new people. I found myself walking to other people's porches to share life and just talk. If you know me, you know that I was always on the go in the states doing a million things so it was great to slow down and just enjoy others people's company.

I am a long way from where I need to be with my Spanish but I worked really hard during community based training and I raised my Spanish proficiency by 4 levels. I am motivated and determined to continue studying in my site and my community has really embraced teaching me. Although I wish I had more Spanish, sometimes I'm excited that this can be more of a teaching exchange where I have to learn from them in order to share anything that I know. I hope it gives the members of my community a sense of pride because I have way more to learn from them than I could ever possibly give or share.

I've worked so hard to become a volunteer and now that I know where I will spend the next 2 years of my life, it is slightly overwhelming. I am thankful that Peace Corps gives us the first 3 months to truly understand the climate of our community and come up with a plan to implement throughout the rest of out first year. I am looking forward to drinking a lot of coffee (its a long story about how I became addicted)  on my neighbors porches and learning more about how to support the youth in my community in changing their lives and their community for the better.

A little more about my community, it is a very small barrio on the outskirts of a large city. It is extremely poor so it is pretty rural and everyone in my community is extremely nice and welcoming. It doesn't have the city hustle and bustle feel, it is more slow placed which is what I wanted. The kids in my community really want to work with me and learn English so I am excited to see how this goes. y host family is amazing and extremely extended. My host mom and dad have 8 kids and I live with the youngest 2 and one of their grandchildren. but I have another sister and tons of cousins, uncles, and aunts that all live within the same barrio so I have a lot of names to remember and a lot of relationships to form. Since I am an extreme needs volunteer I am partnered with an organization that is a Dominican NGO and one of the best at what they do. They built a center in my community and my task is to bring youth to the community center and lead groups such as Escojo mi Vida (self-esteem/AIDS awareness), Deportes para la Vida (kinesthetic learning about AIDS), youth groups, and whatever else I my community wants based on my 3 month community diagnostic. I think that what my community wants matches the skills that I have so I'm excited to see where the next 2 years takes us.

Also side note to friends, please keep emailing, writing letters, responding to my twitter/facebook/blog posts, calling, and offering to send me things. All of these things show that you are thinking of me and that you care which has meant a lot and will mean even more in the ensuing months. Training was very structured and I was around a lot of Americans. Now I will be in my community on my own, speaking Spanish 24/7 and the first 3 months is supposed to be one of the loneliest/hardest times for Peace Corps Volunteers so please don't forget me for the next 3 months especially. Lots of love and thanks in advance!!

I'm Officially a Volunteer!!

All 32 of us swore in as Peace Corp Volunteers yesterday! The U.S. ambassador to the D.R. swore us in and I was moved by his speech. To all of my family and friends thank you so much for all of the phone calls, letters, emails, text messages, facebook messages/status updates, twitter updates in support of my journey.

Some Photos!!

This post is all about photos!! (especially for you Jessica)

 my sisters and me

 the guys who live across the street and teach me Spanish everyday

 pretty view, my site is far below

 mcdonalds!! im excited to have this nearby whenever I'm in an American mood

 D.R. provinces..."states"

 down the hill to my barrio we go

 the rio bridge

my don in his colmado...I'm not sure why Dominicans don't smile in pics becuase he is one of the most genuine and nicest people I've ever met.

P.S. I'll add more photos later

Updates Part 2

So the luz is still here, and my familia aqui has graciously allowed me to continue to use their computer...so we shall continue with the updates. I'm currently in my site so I'll give a little backdrop on that.

We actually found out our tentative site placements 3 weeks ago after the YD team, our Manager, PC Vol Leader, and Extreme Needs Specialists interviewed more than half of us a second time. I was one of the people who was reinterviewed which I was thankful for because I don't even remember what I said in the first one. The second time around, I was much more open to whatever placement they had in mind, as long as I didn't have to take a motoconcho (I'm listening Mom!) Anyways, on Monday we got our official site placements. I know that community based training allowed me to see the total beauty of the Dominican Republic and gave me the confidence to realize that this experience would be amazing regardless of where I went. Additionally they only gave us tentative sites because they ahve always had someone who decided that this experience was not for them and they choose to go home. So far no one in our entire group has said that... We came into the country with 32 and we are still 32 =)

Entonces I've only been in my site 2 days and I already know that this is the perfect place for me. (Someone remind me that I typd this when I go through the ebb and flow of the PC Volunteer experience.) I was placed in an Extreme Needs Site which means that the PC DR YFCD [program has defined the youth in this community as some of the msot at risk in country because of several factors they may encounter in their community]. When I first got to my site it reminded me of D.C and the stark contrasts within the city. There are some beautiful parts of D.C. where everything is beautiful (streets, houses, etc. and I saw that here because I live on the outskirts of a city) and when you go just a little farther within D.C. you get a totally different experience...poverty can smack you in the face. That is what happened to me here. Then I went to the community center where I will spend the next 2 years of my life working alongside jovenes. Its a beautifully built and very new structure that is designed to be a huge resource to this community. I'm so excited to learn more about this community and initiate projects that they feel they need, and prayerfully when I leave, numerous juventud leaders will step up and continue the projects. There are so many opportunities to do exactly what I'm skilled in and passionate about. (more on all of this 3 months from now) Hats off to Peeace Corps YD team, they really did find me the perfect placement. City life but with a campo/family style feel working with youth who need this the most. This is exactly the experience I came here to get.

Now my family here is also amazing. I really prayed for a family as amazing as the family I had in CBT (who by the way still call me everyday) and I believe I have exactly that within my host family in my site. Thanks to my sister for taking pictures of us through facebook chat and putting them up so you can go look and see them. Their family is huge and everyone is so lovely and caring. Everywhere I go in this communtiy, I have an aunt, uncle, cousin, niece, brother, sister. It is an amazing feeling...they hav FIVE generations of the same family living here...its breathtaking really. They have truly embraced me, calling me their daughter, sister, cousin, etc. I feel so loved and warm here, just like how I felt in community based training. While  I know its very early on, and the honeymoon season has not even started, I have an amazing feeling about this. Gracias a Dios!!

I have not really said that much about other trainees in my group, and that is not because they are not very special to me. I have developed some amazing freindships that I had hoped for but didn't necessarily expect. It is wonderful to have a amazing core group of friends/family within Peace Corps to share this experience with...all of the triumphs and disasters, and know that they support and love me. My friend Rachelle told me that I would develop friendships that would last a lifetime, I haven't even been here 3 months and I already know that to be true. Its wonderful to have a support network in country because I truly want all of my friends that I started with here to finish the journey with me.

But let me not get too far ahead of myself. We go back to training next Monday and prayerfully, all 32 of us will swear in next Wednesday and officially become Peace Corps volunteers. And then the next part fo this adventure begins. I'll try to post another blog before that happens thats more reflection focused on the past 2 months...si Dios quiere =)

Updates

The luz may go at any point so I'll try to touch on as many things as quickly as possible. Last week we finished community based training. CBT is when we go into a community, live there for 5 weeks, and learn more about our technical area. For youth development, we work with a group of youth to implement a service learning project, or some kind of talent show at the end of the 5 weeks. We created a community diagnostic, interviewed people in the community, and created a FODA. From that we identified an activity that would be beneficial to the community and youth. All while having training from 8-5 which included learning about specific youth development D.R. initiatives and projects and intensive Spanish. We also lived with a new host family (mine included a mom dad sister and brother, and my grandmother, grandfather, and great grandmother lived downstairs.I was surrounded by a lot of family and I've often said that if I lived in Nigeria, I imagine I would have a similar experience with a lot of love =)

It was by far the best experience I've had in the Dominican Republic. I had a great trainer, the best youth group team (much love to Hilary, Malika, and Sean) and I had the most amazing and loving host family. To top it off my Spanish teacher was amazing and another wonderful Spanish teacher lived downstairs with my abuela so I hung out with her all the time! Words cannot even describe how much working with youth in Monte Plata, learning Spanish with my host family, laughing and drinking cafe with my grandmother, just talking meant to me. The whole experience intensified/confirmed my belief that God has given me this opportunity for this moment in my life. I have much more to say, expecially now that I am in my site, but I will post little by little to ensure you to get to read at least some of it.

If You ever wanted to send me anything

Hello lovely people

IF you ever wanted to send me anything... This is what I would love to get. Please send me an email though so I don't get too much of one thing. Thank you for thinking of me and please please send a letter or a picture to accompany your gifts because thats the stuff that makes my heart smile.

Deordorant (dove purple or blue) Biore face wash Crest whitening toothpaste clean mint Dove soap Rubbing alcohol Stickers Construction paper Hand sanitizer Bath and body works lip gloss (mint) Cheap fun nail polish Nail polish remover Cotton balls Pedicure kit Baby wipes Hard candy jolly ranchers Head phones (the expensive over ear $30 ones so that it will last more than a week) Glue Glitter Coloring books Spanish/English children's books Rice krispie treats Cookies and cream reduced fat chewy bars Spanish alphebet laminated World map in espanol Cotton round premiums purple from target Pencils Small pencil sharpener Highlighters UNO cards Regular playing cards Scrabble espanol Credit to buy stuff on iTunes Qtips Monopoly Credit to buy books for my kindle Flashcards Lined paper Spanish letter flashcards Sheet protectors Index cards More durable sandals Nalgene water bottle I'll post another blog with my site placement info soon!!